The Chaos of Healing

8/19/2026 – Sunset Paddle

When I started this blog and the rom-com series, it had been living inside my heart for quite some time. Never did I imagine I would put out an advertisement for a summer fling, much less except to meet such an interesting human. A delightful surprise, even for me. That was just one thread of a much larger story.

I had been healing for so long, although I believe now we are never truly done healing, that eventually I became tired of waiting. Waiting for the right time, waiting to feel ready, waiting to begin again. My life had been stripped down to the studs and eventually it dawned on me: I had the realization that this was my opportunity to start rebuilding exactly the way I wanted to live.

Free of restrictions. Free of arbitrary limits. Free of waiting for permission. So, I embarked on treating my life like a romantic comedy. I started doing things for the plot. I started romanticizing the mundane. I started looking for the magic. I started creating whimsy.

Being ridiculously optimistic and choosing joy does not mean I have forgotten that life can be hard. There are still bad days. There are still frustrations and setbacks. This week has certainly had its share. I’m navigating some difficult circumstances, friction within family dynamics, transitioning into a new job while continuing to build my dreams, and stepping into a lot of unknown territory as my life continues to unfold. To say that it’s been wild would be an understatement!

I could get really woo-woo witchy here and talk about planets changing signs, eclipse season, the fates, the universe, reality and my ongoing theory that absolutely everything is connected. But I’ll spare you my in-depth astrological dissertation. For now.

(If you want to have that conversation, you know where to find me.)

So, as my plans changed for the umpteenth time this week, I finally decided: Enough.

Sometimes all a girl needs is a tank of gas, a carefully curated playlist and a hot summer night. After taking care of all my mom responsibilities, I changed clothes, loaded up my long board, rolled down the windows, turned the music all the way up and drove. I only stopped long enough to check the time of sunset. Apparently, the universe decided I needed it last night and getting into the water was just want the doctor ordered.

As I paddled out on the lake and watched the sun disappear, I gently reminded myself of a few things:

 I can be delusionally optimistic and have full faith that everything works out but still recognize that the road isn’t going to be easy. I can still choose joy even when its hard and that duality is the pure essence of my soul.

That free will is a beautiful thing. I get to do this my way. I can drive out to paddle, take myself on adventures, dance whenever I want and truly LIVE. It’s my responsibility to do so and romanticizing my life is one of the ways I have opened that up.

I’m incredibly grateful to have made it this far and still see that I’m not done yet. I can be present, playful and seek adventure while not loosing site of the big picture. I can be completely locked into my goals, continuing to push myself toward growth, while simultaneously soaking up as much of right now as I possibly can. I don’t have to choose. They get to exist at the same time.

As the sun fully set and the lake went dark, I packed up my things and made my way back to the car. And because apparently, I am incapable of ending an evening normally- I turned on my headlights and twirled to one of my current favorite songs. I laughed at myself.

Basking in the night sky, radio up, realizing again – this is my story; I get to rewrite as I see fit and maybe that’s the beautiful chaos of healing.